Who Am I?

What an embarrassing question to ask for self. On an auspicious day of Makara Sankranthi (14th of Jan 2010) this beautiful question popped up. My dad had some serious talks about my settlement. The talk which took out sleep out of me soon after the wonderful meal in afternoon. “Its 5 yrs of experience for you. You need to marry and settle down. R u ready?” my dad asked me.
This question was a big blow for me. That question was expecting a lot of answers and discussion from me related to my mental preparedness and financial planning. First thing which came to my mind was financial planning. Other than 1lakh a year which government forces me to save I had nothing to tell my dad. No car, no plots, no flat, no proper savings and not even cash in my account. Oops that was freaking. I was taken back a bit and was scared a bit of what I am now compared to days when I used to have enough money to spend without receiving pocket money from my dad. I had few discussions with my dad on the same on that day.
The more scariness for me was awaited when I started thinking about my mental preparedness and readiness that evening. My mind was not alone. I had my friend also with me when I shared my feelings to him. Unfortunately it just doubled my freakiness as he was also in same state and his words just went well synchronized with mine.
Right from my childhood I wanted to be different. And I wanted to portray myself different than others so that I am noticeable. Indeed I was successful. Right from hobbies to extracurricular activities I picked up things which made me different from others. I used to play chess, do debating, do stage dramas and I maintained my studies to competitive mark as a combination I was very different from many around me. I used keep good relation with friends and also was well known among my teachers. My things used to always get done easily because of my image which I had built.
Look at me what I am today. I am just a normal engineer among the other millions of them. May be I am still a different in my team of 20, but this thinking of what I am now brought me flat to ground. I could not sleep the whole night thinking of what have I become today. Right from the day I started my career I have relaxed a lot. If I think about 2008 and 2009, I have absolutely not done anything. There’s nothing I can think about which I can tell proudly.
And believe me its more irritating and frustrating when you do not get anyone else to blame for mistakes happened. Today I have decided to bring my days back. I am confident that I would achieve. To prove myself that I can do if I decide to do; I am posting this blog today which marks my first step of self challenge.